-My ex-boyfriend accused me of placing him below strain – am I a intercourse pest?
Throughout a quick relationship, we went to mattress collectively however he mentioned he wished to place off having intercourse for concern of STIs. After we broke up, he mentioned I had pressured him
I’m a 24-year-old girl and was just lately in an eight-week relationship with a 23-year-old man. He ended the connection, however a couple of days later we drunkenly ran into each other and he accused me of pressuring him into intercourse. I used to be horrified.
For the primary few weeks we didn’t have intercourse, however he slept in my mattress: he hadn’t had an STI take a look at for some time and didn’t need to take any dangers. A couple of days later, we ordered sexual well being kits. Whereas we have been ready for the outcomes we have been kissing in mattress. He mentioned, “I want I may very well be inside you,” and I mentioned, “I’m actually bare and begging for it.” This was the incident that he discovered pressurising.
Later, I came upon that he identifies as demisexual. I didn’t know this on the time, and thought the rationale we weren’t having intercourse was on account of his STI fears. I’m discovering the guilt very troublesome to recover from and am questioning if I’m some type of intercourse pest. How can I keep away from doing this in future, and really feel snug with initiating intercourse?
I’m not stunned that you simply stay confused and anxious. Some folks – particularly those that are within the early levels of their sexual journey – are so complicated and unresolved about their erotic model or orientation that they can not comfortably talk verbally or sexually with others. Others know what they do or don’t need, and who they’re sexually, however discover it arduous to speak that. It’s at all times essential for every companion to be clear and unambiguous about their very own emotions and preferences and to deal with the opposite with respect and compassion, with out coercion. Sadly, it takes time to be taught all this, and the trial and error could be painful. Since this case has already ended badly, it could be finest that you don’t interact with him once more, besides to say (in the event you haven’t already) one thing alongside the strains of: “I’m mortified that you simply felt I used to be pressuring you. I’m so sorry if I did something to make you are feeling that method.” Transferring on, any time sooner or later that you simply really feel an uncomfortable or ambiguous vibe –e
specifically from somebody who appears unable to speak verbally with you – even in the event you need them vastly, withdraw respectfully.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual issues.
If you want recommendation from Pamela on sexual issues, ship us a quick description of your considerations to firstname.lastname@example.org (please don’t ship attachments). Every week, Pamela chooses one drawback to reply, which might be printed on-line. She regrets that she can not enter into private correspondence. Submissions are topic to our phrases and situations.
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